Fiqh Cinta Islami

Islam and Love  Islam dan Cinta قَالَ رَسُوْلُ اللهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فِي خَدِيْجَةَ –رَضِيَ الله عَنْهَ-: إِنِّيْ رُزِ...


Islam and Love  Islam dan Cinta

قَالَ رَسُوْلُ اللهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فِي خَدِيْجَةَ –رَضِيَ الله عَنْهَ-: إِنِّيْ رُزِقْتُ حُبَهَا.
The Messenger of Allah salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam speaking about his wife Khadija said: “Verily, I was filled with love for her.”

Rasulullah SAW bersabda tentang Sayyidah Khadijah RA: “Sungguh, aku dianugerahi cinta kepadanya”.

A Story of Real ‘Love’  Kisah Cinta Sejati

لَمَّا سَأَلَ عَمْرُو بْنُ الْعَاصِ رَضِيَ الله عَنْهُ رَسُوْلَ اللهِ صَلَّى الله عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ عَنْ أَحَبِّ النَّاسِ إِلَيْهِ قَالَ: عَائِشَةُ. قَالَ: مِنَ الرِّجَالِ؟ قَالَ: أَبُوْهَا.

When Amr ibn-ul Aas radi allahu anhu asked the Messenger of Allah salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam who the most beloved person was for him, He answered: “Aisha.” He then said: “From men?” He replied: “Her father.”

Ketika ‘Amr ibn al-‘Ash RA bertanya kepada Rasulullah SAW tentang manusia yang paling beliau cintai; Rasulullah SAW menjawab: “‘Aisyah”. ‘Amr ibn al-‘Ash RA bertanya lagi: “Dari kaum laki-laki?”. Rasulullah SAW menjawab: “Ayahnya”, yaitu Sayyidina Abu Bakar al-Shiddiq RA.

Islam and Marriage  Islam dan Pernikahan

قَالَ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ : "...وَأَتَزَّوَجُ النِّسَاءَ، فَمَنْ رَغِبَ عَنْ سُنَّتِيْ فَلَيْسَ مِنِّيْ.

The Messenger of Allah salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam said: “…and I marry women. Therefore, one who shows disinterest in my Sunnah is not from (my true followers).”

Rasulullah SAW bersabda: “…. Dan aku menikahi para wanita. Barangsiapa membenci sunahku, berarti dia bukan golonganku”.

DESIRABLE CHARACTERISTICS IN A BRIDE  Kriteria Istri Idaman

عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى الله عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ: تُنْكَحُ الْمَرْأَةُ لأَرْبَعٍ، لِمَالِهَا وَلِحَسَبِهَا وَجَمَالِهَا وَلِدِيْنِهَا، فَاظْفَرْ بِذَاتِ الدِّيْنِ، تَرِبَتْ يَدَاكَ.
"A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status, her beauty, and her religion; so try to get one who is religious, may you be blessed."

Nabi SAW bersabda: “Wanita dinikahi karena empat hal: hartanya, (nasab) keluarganya, kecantikannya dan agamanya. Raihlah wanita yang memiliki agama, niscaya engkau akan diberkahi”.

What are the Qualities in the Bride?  Kualifikasi Istri Idaman
  1. To be of good manners and religious  Akhlak terpuji; Rajin Ibadah
  2. Fertile and affection  ‘Produktif’, subur, tidak mandul; penuh kasih sayang
  3. First time marriage – to be maiden  Status ‘virgin’; pernikahan pertama
  4. To be content or pleased – not with the pleasure of this life  Qana’ah, puas dengan pembagian rezeki yang diperoleh
  5. To be of a good linage  Dari keluarga baik-baik
  6. Beauty – something relative; what is inferior to you might be superior for someone else  Cantik, Jelita … Sifatnya relatif, cantik bagi si A, belum tentu cantik bagi si B
  7. Age – recommended for her to be younger than him  Usia dianjurkan lebih muda
  8. Easy dowry (Mahr)  Maharnya tidak memberatkan calon suami
DESIRABLE CHARACTERISTICS IN A GROOM  Kriteria Suami Idaman

قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: إِذَا خَطَبَ إِلَيْكُمْ مَنْ تَرْضَوْنَ دِيْنَهُ وَخُلُقَهَ، فَزَوِّجُوْهُ، إِلاَّ تَفْعَلُوْا تَكُنْ فِتْنَةً فِي الأَرْضِ وَفَسَادٌ عَرْيْضٌ

If somebody comes to you and you are pleased with his character and religion then marry him. If you do not, there will be discord on earth and widespread corruption (H.R. Ibn Majah).

Rasulullah SAW bersabda: “Jika telah mengajukan pinangan (lamaran) kepada kalian, seseorang yang engkau ridhai agama dan akhlaknya; maka nikahkanlah dengan dia. Jika tidak demikian, niscaya akan timbul fitnah dan kerusakan di dunia ini”.

To be Religious  Taat Beragama; Berakhlak Terpuji

Marry your daughters to someone who fears Allah, because if he loves her, he will be generous to her and if he hates her, he will not commit any justice towards her.

Calon suami itu yang penting taat beragama, karena jika dia cinta pada istrinya, maka dia akan bersikap dermawan; dan jika benci pada istrinya, maka dia tidak akan berbuat aniaya (zhalim) kepadanya.

LOVE AFTER THE WEDDING  Cinta Pasca Pernikahan
  • Does Marriage Kill Love?  Apakah pernikahan “membunuh” cinta?
Statistics in West say yes –48% end up with divorce after marriage. Chances of second marriage ending up in divorce are 62%. Chances of third marriage is up to 75%.

Menurut statistik, Cinta pasca nikah akan memudar, peluang cerai 48% untuk pernikahan pertama; 62% untuk pernikahan kedua; 75% untuk pernikahan ketiga; [???% untuk pernikahan keempat???]
  • Communicating Love to Your Partner  Komunikasikan Cinta dengan Pasangan
Need to know the spouse primary language - appreciation, verbal, physical, etc.

Bahasa Cinta itu melalui sikap saling menghargai [apresiasi], perkataan indah dan kontak fisik.
  • Rationalizing Love in Marital Life  Membuktikan Cinta dalam Pernikahan
Emotion plays a vital role in this matter. Love is a statement – it is an action. Show it through the actions, show support, express things, write letters emails, etc.

Emosi memainkan peran vital dalam kehidupan pernikahan. Cinta adalah pernyataan dan perbuatan. Jadi, tunjukkan-buktikanlah!

THE MANY DIFFERENT LANGUAGES OF LOVE

 Bahasa Cinta

1) Words of affirmation;
2) Quality time;
3) Receiving gifts;
4) Acts of service;
5) Physical contact

 Bahasa Cinta:
1) Tutur kata penuh cinta;
2) menyediakan waktu bersama pasangan, bukan ‘menyisakan waktu’;
3) saling berbagi hadiah;
4) saling melayani;
5) kontak fisik.

UNDERSTANDING THE DIFFERENCES  Memahami Perbedaan

1. Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus  Laki-laki Mars, Wanita Venus
Men are more into hardware stuff like gadgets, tools, computers, etc.
 Laki-laki lebih senang berhubungan dengan ‘non-manusia’: Pekerjaan, Karir, Harta, Hobi, dll.

Women are more into social relationships like meeting people and talking
 Wanita lebih senang berhubungan dengan ‘manusia’: Ketemuan, Ngobrol, dll.

Fulfill each other value and grow in this manner
 Saling Berbagi antar Pasangan

2. Understanding the Different Values  Memahami Sudut Pandang Pasangan
Men don’t like to be criticized
 Laki-laki tidak suka dikritik

Women like to grow and make everyone grow around them
 Wanita senang tumbuh dan membuat orang di sekitarnya ikut tumbuh bersama

3. Crises Approach, and Coping with Stress  Menghadapi Cobaan
Men like to withdraw –that’s their nature– don’t chase him he will come back to you later
 Laki-laki senang menarik diri –itulah watak alaminya– tidak perlu mengejarnya, dia sendiri akan kembali kepada Anda

Women like to go outside and speak – just listen to her – sometimes she just wants you to listen to her and not give her solutions. Sometimes she might as for solutions as well
 Wanita suka mengekspresikan perasaan –dengarkan saja– terkadang dia butuh ‘pendengar’ bukan ‘pemberi solusi’. Suatu saat dia akan minta solusi jika membutuhkan

4. The Motivation Power  Kekuatan Motivasi
  • Men need to see that she need her help – he feels comfortable with this. Women should submit to this. 
  • Laki-laki ingin melihat wanita membutuhkannya, itulah nilai seorang laki-laki. Oleh sebab itu, wanita seharusnya sering meminta bantuan pada pasangan
  • Women usually give because they care and they don’t give unless they feel confident (emotionally) 
  • Wanita biasanya akan memberi jika dia peduli; dan tidak akan memberi kecuali jika dia merasa percaya diri [nyaman secara emosional]

5. Expressing Feelings through Different Languages  Ekspresikan emosi dengan aneka bahasa

6. Our Emotional Differences  Perbedaan Emosi

  • Men work like rubber bands and they will eventually come back 
  • Emosi laki-laki seperti karet, suatu saat dia akan ‘kembali ke asal’
  • Women are like waves 
  • Emosi wanita seperti gelombang [Detik 1= A, Detik 2: B]
A FINAL ADVICE:   Memenangkan Hati pasangan

How to Win the Heart of Your Wife? How to Win the Heart of Your Husband?
  1. Exchange gifts  Saling memberi Hadiah
  2. Give her quality time – Full Attention  Memberi perhatian penuh, ‘sediakan waktu’, bukan ‘sisakan waktu’
  3. Exchange looks – eye language, give her a smile, Use poetry if you know it  Saling Menjaga Komunikasi = Saling menatap mata, saling senyum, saling berbagi puisi
  4. Make leaving and coming special for her  Pulang dan Pergi terasa Spesial bagi si Dia
  5. Try to work things together  Mengerjakan Sesuatu Bersama-sama
  6. Going out together  Bepergian Bersama

Disarikan dari Syaikh Yaser Birjas, Fiqh of Love: Marriage in Islam
http://www.dialogilmu.com 

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